10 things I’ve learned about myself from my struggle with weight loss

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I’m getting vulnerable here for a minute. Like standing-naked-in-front-of-the-mirror vulnerable. Or, at least, it feels like it. I almost didn’t hit the post button on this one. But then I felt like I didn’t say this stuff out loud, then I might never do anything about it. So here goes.

 

I have this tendency to get obsessed with working out and changing my eating habits every couple of years or so. Every time is going to be it. The last time I’ll ever see those numbers on the scale. The time I’ll finally be able to slip into that goal outfit that’s been hanging in the closet for nearly a decade. And the time where I’ll finally be able to not only lose the weight, but keep it off too. And yet here I sit once again, with the weight back right where I started. Without intending to, I’ve started this pattern of yo-yo weight loss and I’m not okay with it.

In order to make some changes going forward, I thought I needed to take a hard look at why my attempts at weight loss and a healthier lifestyle have failed. Guys, this hurts to see it written down on paper. And it’s embarrassing. But all of it is so true. Can anyone relate?

1. I’ve always planned to fail. However subconsciously, it’s what I do. I lose weight and then I gain it back. Lose, gain, lose gain. When I talk about it, I say, “every couple of years I lose the weight and then I gain it back.” Perhaps my mind is so convinced that it’s an inevitable cycle that I unknowingly accept it as truth.
2. And I fail to plan. Planning is so key, isn’t it? I’m usually so wrapped up in everything else happening around me that I don’t leave enough time to properly plan for meals. Waiting until the last minute usually means grabbing whatever is quick, easy and accessible, which is rarely the healthier choice.
3. I make a lot of excuses. From the kids, to work, to just not feeling up to it, I’ve made a lot of excuses about why I can’t work out, should postpone a workout or deviate from making healthy food choices. I’ve probably used all the usual excuses and more.
4. Sleep is never a priority. I’m a night owl through and through. I’ve never been much of a morning person and I tend to be most inspired somewhere in the wee hours between midnight and 3 a.m. But especially now with kids, I just walk around with a huge sleep tank running near empty. Being tired feeds my lack of motivation to get moving. And my late nights also mean snacking well past dinnertime.
5. I don’t manage my time well. Just like meal planning, time for working out always gets the short end of the stick. Actually, that’s not true. It doesn’t get any part of the stick. Whenever I’m running short on time between juggling kids, work and the house, the workout has always been the first thing to go.
6.  Moderation is a struggle. It’s either all the ice cream or none of the ice cream. Cheat meals turn into cheat days and then become cheat weeks. I have a really difficult time limiting myself to just a taste of something.
7. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. This is probably one of the more obvious ones, at least to me. I eat when I’m lonely, sad or depressed. Even happy. I pretty much just eat my feelings all around.
8. The big picture is overwhelming. I have a long way to go. Around 100 pounds and some pretty significant permanent changes in lifestyle. It’s hard for me not to get lost with just how much work that needs to happen.
9. I lack accountability. The times where I kept the weight off the longest were when I had someone to help keep me accountable. I don’t mean to blame anyone, but I certainly am more committed to staying on track when I know that someone’s expecting me to show up and pushes me to work hard.
10. I don’t love *me* enough. I mean, I like myself. But I don’t know how much I love myself when it comes to my body. If I did, I think I’d be better at making the right choices when it comes to nutrition and fitness.

I’m tired of feeling like I’ve failed.

I hate to be one of those New Year’s resolution cliches. It’s not my intention. I’m not talking about my weight or getting back on track because we’re about to head into a new year. It’s more because I’m sick and tired of being, well…sick and tired. So I’m telling you now, for accountability’s sake, that I’m going to work on all 10 of these things. Not because it’s a new year, but because it’s time I do this for real.

Anyone want to join me?