Our Fire Life | Shift Day Mantra

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“Daddy’s at work. He’s at the fire station and rides the fire truck. Sometimes he rides the ambulance.
He helps people who are hurt and puts out fires. Daddy will be home another day.”

This is a common conversation that Liam and I have in our home. In the mornings, I wake up to the sound of him tapping on his bedroom door. “Daddy, I’m up!” he says. I walk down the hallway to his room and knock back a response before opening door where I’m greeted by an expectant face. “Daddy?” Liam looks around me to see if anyone else is there. His smile turns to a face of disappointment when he realizes the hallways is empty…unless you count the cat. And so we repeat our shift day mantra. Welcome to our little fire life.

Being the wife of a firefighter comes with its pros and cons. J and I get to spend weekdays off together while the rest of the world is hard at work in their offices. And truth be told, the INFJ in me craves the solitude that comes with most shift nights. But the fire life is not without its sacrifices. J worked Christmas Eve last year and since 2016 is a leap year, he’ll work it again this year. There are missed birthdays, holidays and special events because it just comes with the job. And we roll with it.

I figured introducing kids into the mix would add its own layer of complexities to our untraditional schedule, but I never expected it to hit us so soon. Maybe when he’s seven and it’s a missed birthday or the big baseball game of the season, sure. I understand that. But telling your two-year-old that daddy is at work and watching him burst into tears is probably one of the hardest things we’ve dealt with yet. Because he knows that J won’t be home in a few hours, before bedtime, or often not even the next day. Even at two, he gets it. Being part of a fire family is hard.

Have you ever heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I remember when it came out in 1995. It quickly become popular in Christian circles and I remember my mom paging through the original book, and then later, The Five Love Languages of Children version often. The book was also on our required reading list for our premarital counseling sessions (which I recommend – both the book and the counseling). I mentioned to J the other day that even at only two, Liam clearly has a distinct love language and it’s quality time.

It’s why J and Liam are inseparable whenever J is home and why Liam’s more emotional on days that he’s not. Days together as a family tend to make him the happiest, but during two or more back-to-back shifts, it’s clear that his love tank gets closer to empty. So we make visits to the fire station when we can, about once every week or so. We try to FaceTime at bedtime, although reaching J on the phone is never a guarantee. When we run errands, Liam tells everyone he sees about how daddy is hard at work at the fire station. We talk about daddy, how important his job is and how much he helps people who need him. We play with Liam’s fire trucks and pretend that we’re putting out fires and driving the ambulance too. And share lots and lots of mama hugs and snuggles.

While I’m busy trying to reassure Liam and help him feel as loved as possible, I’m also teaching him about sacrifice, generosity and sharing one of the most important people in his life. Because we must. As Liam gets older, I’m praying that his mornings of disappointment are fewer and that he always appreciates every second of time he gets with J. It’s a good reminder for me, too, because I often find myself taking our time together for granted.

Have you noticed your child’s love language? What things do you do to fill up their love tank?