Remembering 9/11

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Sometimes when I look at the New York City skyline, I don’t recognize it. The view I see with my eyes doesn’t match the image imprinted on my heart. The place where the Twin Towers used to stand is just a short walk from where my grandmother lives. Each street along the way has long since been stored in my memory. When 9/11 happened 15 years ago, I was sitting in chemistry class watching those same streets pass across the television screen. The very city that I knew so well enduring one of the deadliest terrorist attacks the world has ever seen.

A month later, I met Jamie. We fell in love and 9/11 took on a whole new meaning.

343. Do you know that number? I do. It’s one I’ll never forget. On the morning of September 11th, 2001, 343 first responders woke up, went about their day like normal and never came home that night. Death is always a possibility in this line of work. It is the risk every first responder takes and yet they continue to do their work with a passion few people will ever know. There are a little more than 100 firefighter LODDs (line of duty deaths) each year. But on 9/11, more than three times that number would lose their lives.

9/11 is a different day at our house. While it’s a day for remembering the 3000 people who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks, for us, it is also about honoring the 343 men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice while doing their job. When we lived in Nashville, Jamie participated in the city’s annual 9/11 memorial stair climb. 343 firefighters, each carrying a photo of one of the 343 lost on 9/11, climb 110 flights of stairs – the same number of stories those firefighters would have climbed had they made it to the top of the Twin Towers that day. I’ve seen my husband strain under the emotional weight of completing something for a fallen brother. It’s hard to explain how one can feel so connected with someone you’ve never met, but the family of firefighting is like that. It’s not a loss, it’s our loss.  When one grieves, we all grieve.

As fire wives, we have to live with the reality of what could happen without allowing the fear of it to rule our lives. I’m married to one hero while raising another. Fully aware of the weight of that responsibility.

We’re reminded, on this day, to love better. Because there are those who can’t.

Last year, our annual trip to New York coincided with the opening of the new One World Trade Center. A ride up to the top was Jamie’s only request for our trip and we decided to visit on our date night in the city. It’s quite grand and once again brings a striking prominence to the New York skyline. What I love most about it is that it is a stark intimation that, if we choose, we can rise above instead of give up. We can be freed from fear, instead of held captive by it. And that no one can steal our hope, unless we let them.